Today was a stress on my faith. I know I've had a charmed life full of mystery, torture and riches beyond imagination. I woke up and ate breakfast at slim goodies; got the tex-mex special. As I waited in line I told my mom of the upcomimg marage and the desire to do so in the Church I grew up in. She told me I'd have to develope a relationship with a priest to make the pope happy. I walked to my table and got the best seat in a packed house. Beside me sat a guy with a zero shaved into his head. Uh? No big deal, just a coinidence because of the O hi O game in town. The zero reminded me of my bus ride from the
French Quarter yesterday. A huge black man wearing a Los Angeles jersy sat beside me. The number on the yellow microfiber was 08. I asked him if he was from LA; he said, "no, just like the team". I wished him well on his evening of beer, weed and crawfish. We shook hands.
After breakfast I walked to the smallest Eastern Catholic church in New Orleans. It was strange going to a church with positive intent instead of educational purposes. As I sang and read from the prayer book I got to a part that I had to lie. It was a declearation of belief in God and Jesus. I don't like to lie. It makes me feal bad. But I did it because I knew that I had to do so for my love. I put the page markers on the text so I could go back an photograph the spot that made me cry. I looked down at the shirt I was wearing. I got it from giving blood at the american red cross. It's got a drop of blood with wings growing out of it. My mom got me into giving blood.
After recieving communion of sourdough soaked in wine and being bless with holy water the priest placed more sour dough in a basket on a table fumbling with a candle and a painting of christ. I strugled in my mind. The story of Satin matches up with me so well my imagination started playing games on me. I'm in the True Church planning on lieing to a priest so I can have a family with children I plan on being honest to: there is no god. At that moment the painting of Jesus fell from the stand; the priest picked it up kissed it and smiled. He were's glasses as thick as coke bottles. The wife of one of the priests (easter catholic) took my prayer book. I asked her for it back because I wanted to take a photo of the text. My place mark was moved???? I went through the rest of the books she was holding. I couldn't find it?
I went with father James into the back room and made my confession: I haven't gone to church for 15 years, had sex outside of marrage, had a marrage outside the church, got divorced, was disrespectful to my parents and used the name of God in fain. Then we talked about what Amanda and I needed to do to get married within the church. Finally I told him I was going to become a Police officer and inquired if he would bless my weapon so that I would do no wrong with it. He said he could arange that.
On my walk back to home I thought how for most people the events of the day would have been proof that ether god existed or I was an agent of the devil; more spicifically the devil in carnate. My rational mind kicked in and analized my situation: I desire peace on earth and freedom for individuality. I don't match the definition of devil. How could these events have taken place? What force could cause this magic? I thought about aliens. They could be watching me and have technoligies that could cause highly improbable events to take place. No. No. There is no reason to believe in aliens. That's silly.
Well, now I'm sitting at the computer typing away. I'm mixing red wine with the bottle of holy water they gave me. I just got a text from Amanda. She's bleeding so that means we can have a ligitamate family. I am positive that I have the most sceptical mind ever in the existance of human kind. That thought reminded me of a thought I had on my way home. A term I imagine will eventually become very popular: Selfless egotism. I thought as I passed Trent Reznors old house on Collisium street that I am the most interesting person in history. And not only the history of the past but the history of the future. That's a pretty chuncky statement to roll through ones head. But then I realized, I am not the most special person in the universe. I am just a person. It's my life that's special and that belongs to the universe.
