If one starts looking for signs one is bound to find them. From hurricanes to mud slides it's easy to attribute Natural disasters as acts from an evil force or warnings from God. Every time I see the letter N on someones shoes the word Naturalist plays in my mind; what is New Balance anyway? Two years ago I almost joined the Army.
I've been contemplating joining the Army. I have been in Hollywood working out, going to the recruiter every other day. I smoked pot with my ex a month ago. I have been taking piss tests waiting for it to clear. The test has been showing 99% clear. Then yesterday I took another one and it showed a complete positive result. I haven't smoked all year except once, over a month ago. It has me perplexed. I don't believe in a God but it looks like something is trying to tell me to stay out of the Army. Even if it an actual physical element in my body that is trying to sabotage my opportunity. I felt like an ass at the recruiters as it obviously looked like I was a liar. I am not lying.
Then I hiked Mount Runyon. I was almost to the top and picked up a smooth rock and held it in my hand. The first word in my head, "Projectile" I thought about the first weapons man used. I had a debate with myself. "Was it the rock or the stick?" No one will know for sure. Then I started wondering if the first person that used a rock to fight did they through it, drop it or use it in there hand. Then I started to wonder why I can't stop wondering about things, especially weapons. I guess it's part of having testosterone.
At the top I was out of wind. I was bummed because I hadn't run across any reptiles as I love chatting with my friends. There was a small bird perched in some shrubs. It went tweet tweet. Being polite I tweeted back. I love talking to my friends. They usually don't understand this English thing so I try my best speaking there language. I aaakkkkk at squirrels, meeeoooww at cats, and whistle at birds. Well something very strange happened when I started talking with this bird. It jumped to flight and started flying around my head in 30 yard ellipses. I thought it might be a nest issue but there was no nest or little ones to be seen. This was a tiny bird and had short parrot like wings. It made incredible sharp banks at an alarming speed. I would guess around 40 miles an hour. Then it started making maneuvers around my head. I'm not exaggerating. This bird was dive bombing my skull, literally coming a foot from my face at 40 miles an hour. I could hear the swoosh which was strange from anything that small. Why was it doing this?
On my way down I stared out and looked at my favorite building in LA. It's the most unique one I have ever been in. It has been my home away from home. It contains a school for TV actors, an Internet coffee shop and the US military recruiting office. An odd combo for sure. As I was looking at the building staring at the picture of Donald Trump polishing JR's shoes I noticed a large sign in front of it. This is what the sign says, "6 - 6 - 06 The signs are all around you" Fuckin' Weird.
Recruiters definitely do not know the mind of an artist. Today was it. I was gonna go to the hotel with a pool, free dinner, bed, tv (daddy what's a tv?) and the luxury I miss the most, running water. I walked in and sat down. I told him about the funny sign in front of there office with the big 666 in it. He didn't see it yet. I told him that I don't believe in signs but if I did there would be no way in hell, I would have even stepped back into the building. He asked me why I changed my mind. I started my list.
1. I'm doing this to impress my family.
2. I think that George Bush is an idiot and he would be my boss
3. I'm doing this because I am starting to hate our species and I want vent that feeling with a m16. I don't care who the target is.
4. I'm doing this for money and all money has a reference to this strange god person
5. There is a camo covered Bible on your desk, it's issued to soldiers and I don't like the book
They had "Over there" playing on the TV. Are these people stupid? I watched as a convoy pulled off the road and tripped an IED. Screams, Screams..... more screams...... then a picture of a young soldier with his legs blown off. This is an email I received from "Pretty Lady" at nearly the same time I watched this.
"You know, Robert, I had a fairly vivid dream last night that I was chatting with a bright young man who was about to go into the army. Suddenly I looked over at him and his legs had been amputated above the knees. He seemed unaware of this, and a few minutes later he had legs again. I told him, "If you go into the army you will lose your legs"
The recruiter asked me to talk with "The Man". Shit! It was good cop bad cop time.. The Man asked me why I didn't want to join. The first thing I said was I'm doing it to impress my family. He then went into a rant about how they were right. That I'm 31 and I haven't done anything in my life that wasn't worth anything. I then mentioned the accomplishment with art. Ouch.... He told me that one out of every 5 people on the street has done what I have done. He said, "How much money do you make with your art" I told him that there are accomplishments that are outside the realm of money and that I have been able to put food in my mouth. He seamed to have a difficult time comprehending. Then he told me that I would never accomplish anything outside the military, that without it, I would be nothing. I mentioned that I had a culinary degree and he said that it didn't mean anything. I thought the military would have trained there recruiters better. He was talking me out of joining. He stated that I did nothing, I was nothing and would become nothing without Uncle Sam. That really sealed the envelope for me. There is no more honorable thing a man can be than nothing. The Army would take Zero away from me and make me One. Fuck One, Zero is better!
To bad I don't believe in what were fighting for. I would be an excellent warrior. I guess I'll have to leave the high powered riffles down and stick with the next best thing, the keyboard. Bamm Blaaaam Baaaammm.
Southside Rabbitslayer
A few days ago I had a scheduled appointment with the recruiting department of the New Orleans Police Department. When I arrived there was one other guy waiting for his interview. They seemed surprised I was there, "we don't have an interview with you today". I told her she gave me the slip with at the previous testing site with the interview date. She said I still had to get my background check, pschic test and polygraph done. I left feeling lost.
The next day I had an appointment with the State mental health clinic. I went to the wrong hospital but was able to rescheduled an appointment later that day with the right one. I talked with the counselor who was paranoid that I had drank that morning because I answered her question about alcohol with: vocationally. I told her of my plan to quit the stimulants coffee and cigarettes for lent. And then getting off of these stupid meds that increase the risk of heart attack and stroke during the heat of New Orleans summers. She told me to tell the shrink everything I told her. Honesty is my policy.
That evening I was directed to the New Orleans website were a breaking story was being written. An officer that just got out of the academy was just killed with her own gun. She was attempting to apprehend a child rapist that just got out of jail. Could this be a similar sign to the one I got in Hollywood? Why would the Universe kill an innocent person just as a sign for me?
The next day I started to stretch the canvas I painted of the star and crescent: The symbol of the NOPD. I needed two 29" stretcher bars; I wondered if National Art carried odd numbers. I stopped off at the bank and depleted what funds I have left. Pulling up the art store where the owner/friend John was across the street wracking up leaves. I went over to chat when he invited me to the Thoth parade this weekend. One of his loyal customers came zooming out of the store and speed across the street in a blazing wheel chair. As he passed us he dropped a stretcher bar.
I walked over, picked it up and shouted, "You lost a bar!" He was already 3/4 of the way down the street and was unable to hear me. I took off running after him when I looked at the bar and saw a magical number, 29". When I handed him the bar I was surprised to see that he only bought 3 bars. Later that night I stretched the symbol.
The natural disasters of the past few years and the thousands they have killed don't surprise me. They do not violate the laws of probability. What would be odd is if the frequency of earth quakes and mudslides went down in proportion with the ratio of our population explosion and the billions of prayers that accompany it.
I began to feel sorry for the officer I don't know. What kind of a loving universe would kill an innocent person as a sign for some one. Could it be that the agent behind such a deed is negative and it has plans for me that don't involve being on the police force? I think I would make a great cop and New Orleans is in dire need of them. But then I thought, what if she was a bad cop? I don't know who makes the signs but it looks like I should keep writing.
