Metaphysic Storm

I’m a recent addition to the artists on Pirates Alley. I spent a significant amount of time and money at city hall acquiring my permit be a legal art pirate. Unfortunately, I haven’t sold anything from the fence. Therefore the city hasn’t made any tax money from my sales and I’m still in the red.

Late morning I was going to get a sandwich, so I walked over to my friendly fellow artists to ask them to keep an eye on my work for a few minutes. They were sitting in lawn chairs having a deep conversation with Sister, err… Father John. John was having a gay time bad mouthing someone. I didn’t want to intrude so I stood waiting for a break in Johns speech. The artists smiled at me but immediately returned their attention to the priest who marrily ignored my presence. I’m accustomed to the one way conversation of priests, but I find to not even make an eye contact acknowledgment, rather rude. I continued to wait for a good time to break into the diatribe to ask my new friends for their guard eye.

John said, “from the back of the Cathedral we can hear everything they say. It’s just ridiculous. The Haunted History Ghost tour guides make up stories. There were no duels in the court yard in the past. The police barracks used to be right here, along with the prison. And when people die on church ground they don’t go strait to hell. I don’t know, that sounds like a Muslim belief. They just make things up from their imagination.” I couldn’t resist the opportunity to break in and since he had already been rude to me I felt justified. I asked in a robust and animated manner, “Do you see the hypocrisy in what you’re sayin’?” John replied, “They lie about the history of their ghosts!” I said that was exactly what the Church does except the Church presents it as fact, not as an entertainment. John said he wasn’t going to have that conversation.

I was well aware that’s how it was going to end and felt satisfied that Sister John played right into his role as master of ceremony. I let my emotion bounce off of the Catholic artists drooling over Sister’s complaint of the infidel entertainers. They were shocked that I didn’t unconditionally revere a spiritual ass dressed like a ninja with a white collar.

After I ate my lunch I went back to smooth things over with my new Catholic artist peers. Immediately one of them came up to me shouting that he, “didn’t know about me now” and “I was wrong for being rude to a priest” He repeated that he wasn’t sure about me and that I was rude and wanted to know if I knew I was rude. I retorted sternly that I knew very well that I was rude and did so in response to the priestess being rude to me. He said, “You broke into a conversation you knew nothing about with your outrageous behavior and are being rude right now for arguing with me!” I said, “It is you who raised your voice at me, I am simply responding in kind!” Luckily the freshness of that shut him up.

Later that afternoon I went back over to chat a little when the rectory director approached us. I told him that I was an alter boy. One of the Jesus artists sniped, “but now he’s a know it all atheist.” I asked the director if the fence was city property or if the church owns it. Surprisingly, the fence is church property even though the city collects taxes from the revenue it generates. Unfortunately, We, The Artists of Saint Louie’s Cathedral, don’t enjoy the same tax exempt status as the Church.

On the completely secular Action Andrew Jackson Square fence there are a few rules the artists must follow. First, the work must be produced by hand, limited to drawings and paintings. Second, the work displayed may not be pornographic: no nipples, penises, assholes or pussy; it can not be political: no paintings of donkeys (horse sculpture withstanding) or elephants. Finally, the work may not be Pirated.

The head priest informed me that he is upset at the city for cornering the market of the fence. Although I’m sure he’s pleased the city pays to have it and the sidewalk maintained. He wants the church to be able to take the cut of the artists income instead of the city. I smell 10%. I was shocked when I was informed that the artists need the constant consent of the hard head priest, to display our work on the fence. It’s taken for granted that we can’t display art that criticizes the Christian faith but the thought of having to be Christian friendly boils my blood. Once I have a regular job and I’m not relying on my art sales for my survival, I plan on doing a series of oils depicting Allah, God of gods. That should prove to be an entertaining week.

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