Apr 08 2008
Horse sh*t
Yesterday my computer was unable to finish an episode of lost. I kept getting an ear piercing screech just after one of the characters said, “Should you kill me?” It echo’s in my mind.
The horse has been repeating in my life for years now, far more than any city boy should have experienced. Probably due to my last post, I had a dream about them. I was back at my Catholic grade school poking a stick into an air conditioner. Outside the window I saw people riding through the play ground. Then I saw my aunt Jane riding bare back. I asked myself with astonishment, “Is she riding bare back?”, not convinced of what I was seeing.
I just took a brake from painting to eat lunch and watched an episode of lost. Kate was in the jungle and saw a horse but had a difficult time believing what she saw. Later she asked Sayid if he believed in ghosts and wondered allowed if she was crazy for seeing an improbable animal in the jungle.
Back at the “mind experiment / doomsday button compound” Locke and Mr. Eko discussed the odds of having a plane break apart in mid air and two sections landing safely on separate sides of the island. Then both groups finding compounds, one with a film projector, an edited doomsday orientation film and a computer that needs the cursed numbers entered every 108 minutes. And the other group finding a bible with the middle cut out and the missing part of the film stashed away. Mr. Eko said, “Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.”
They spliced the film together but the extra footage didn’t have any new information.
In perfect form
After posting I went outside to cut a piece of plywood for a new gallery sign. Next door an artsy lady was talking to owner of the law firm. It looked like they were talking about signs. I asked if she was making a new one… Of course she is.
Look… let’s reason this through. The solipsist, Truman Show explanation cannot be ruled out, but deserves at least as much scorn as you have shown religion.
The idea that some human agency is taking this much interest in little old you is not likely either. Where would the money come from? It’s possible, but what is so special about you when viewed from the eyes of someone in a government or corporate agency? It makes no sense, and expensive nonsense is the purview of the rich and famous.
That leaves two options:
1) You are overly sensitive to coincidence and this type of stuff happens to everyone.
2) Something outside of normal natural experience is taking an interest in affecting your thoughts.
For me, option 1 falls flat. As I said, I have been where you are, at least in approximate form. More importantly, I am not there now, and now I feel/experience relative normal life (but I’m still affected by what I experienced). There was a time where my life was riddled with coincidence, synchronicity, and messages. Before that it was not so, and after that it is distinctly less so… however, I have had some even more meaningful experiences since the time of chaotic prodding passed.
Option 2 seems like what you are leaning towards… and so would I. What you need to ask yourself is whether you are unique, or if there might be some help for you within the combined human experience of the “supernatural”. (I believe it is perfectly natural, for certain people like you and me).
You have a strong distaste for that type of speculation and exploration… fine. Reinvent the wheel. It’s better than latching on to whatever system sounds most attractive, because that way leads to mental masturbation.
The answer is right under your nose. It is not your dad’s Christianity. But there is a plan, Robert.
Email me so that I can send you a link I don’t want to post here.
Out of your options number 1 sounds the more probable, although I feel sane. The possibility that I’m schizophrenic seems more reasonable than something outside natural experience (supernatural) affecting my thoughts. When you say “something” you are referring to a consciousness outside of a brain. I haven’t seen or experianced anything that has given me reason to believe that.
I’ve been speculating for two years strait. Trust me, just because it’s not the government, a corporation or reality TV show for the rich doesn’t mean I’m left with only 2 options. Throughout my speculating, I have thought that I’m anything from a worm on a hook to the future leader of the United City States of Earth. I will be reveling more in future posts about my theories but I’m relatively positive this is something that can’t be reasoned out. I need more information and they/it is a master at hiding.
It’s your choice.
sounds like u need 2 adjust yer filters — there’s too much shit coming in.
when your filters are porous or care-worn, too much stuff coming in randomly will begin to overlap and appears to make conceptual patterns which actually are the stepping stones of delusion. i remember this from lsd; it must be true
I’m sure some of what I have experienced was delusion. It was comfortable to latch onto some of my speculations. The phrase, “this must be what it is” went through my mind hundreds of times. However, I always thought about it more and realized that just because it was comfortable to come to a conclusion doesn’t mean it’s so. The more I thought about the more possibilities of what this is all about came to my mind.
It would even be comfortable coming to the conclusion that it was all in my head. But the coincidences were and are far to improbable to be random. And nothing can explain why 4 of my paintings decided to turn sideways.
It’s interesting to think back and try to determine what was my delusion and what was the act of the agents. If it’s all in my head, there are no answers. There ain’t no cure for crazy. If it’s not, from they’re first hello to now, I have felt powerless to know why. They hold all the answers, they have control. The answer seems to be apathy and submission. But I’m not the kind of person who gives up easily. I don’t know how to ignore the why question. Ironically I’ve had a much easier time understanding why I’m alive as apposed to the subject of an experiment.
Through out this whole ordeal I have noticed an increased sense of intelligence. I have been in a constant state of speculation and skepticism. My decision to go public with this has somewhat removed the state of fear I’ve lived in. I’ve been hiding them because they’ve been hiding from me. I felt they were hiding from more than just me, and since they do brake basic civil rights I’m sure they have to, which put me in danger from the Federal government. The Feds would find a network of covert networked civilian operatives a huge threat, regaurdless of what their mission is. But, now that I’m not concerned with helping hide them, I have something to write about.
I see it as a no loss situation now. Either I become too much of a threat to their security and they disappear or let me in on the big secret. If they don’t see me as that much of a threat being public I don’t have to worry about the Feds making me a worm. If it’s all in my head I have a great source for my blog for the next year. If I’m crazy, I’ll be a great outspoken resource for shrinks… hardy har har