Metaphysic Storm

Our wilderness loving God fearing first lady has condemned the commies in Myanmar for their hurricane response and their reluctance to take our Dollars. “I was baking cookies and then they fell off the cookie sheet and I called Ban Ki Moon”- Sorce.

New Orleans mayor Ray Nagan (Nagin’s Last Stand - second down on the right) has called the first lady, to let her know, that this is the biggest national disaster this country has ever seen and they better just get their asses over there. He wants these politicians and storms to stop spinnin’. In fact he thinks they should delegate the power that they have to him and he’ll get this god damn thing fixed.

It was later reveled that Ahmadenijad communicated to Buddha that the dollar was a worthless piece of paper. The Buddhists spread the word to the dictatogrunts, during a beating, which finally reached the Secretary of State Peace, Councilman Lt-Gen Thiha Thura Tin Aung Myint Oo, who decided to stick with the Kyat.

Last year while sleeping, I felt something strange in my shorts. With no apprehension I willed my hand to power and inspected my genitals. There didn’t seem to be any problem with my tube meat so I moved onto my gelatinous cul-de-sacs. At that point I realized something was seriously wrong. Typically my sperm bags are pipping full of proletariat (Latin - proles, “offspring”) half men and half women waiting patently for a divine egg, but instead I found only one bourgeoisie bastards to be.

I used my expensive health insurance and went to the testy doctor. He did an touch exam on my private sector and found that indeed capitalists found their way into my vanilla salty balls. Astonished by the news, I hired a PI to determine how this tragedy was accomplished. The first thing the PI wanted was a list of women that I’ve been intimate with. It wasn’t long before he solved the case. I had slept with micro-soft a month before the problem developed. Bill Gates put a worm in me.

The virus causes the sperm to become cannibalistic, with dog eat dog competition, eventually leaving only one super cool sperm floating in the private property of my nut pouch. At first I thought that I needed Karl Marx in by scrotum, to liberate the looser sperms. I asked for his help but he said some fluffy bull shit like, to each according to his need, and asked why I needed so many sperms.

Not trusting my doctor I went to Canada to get a second opinion. After a year long wait, I received a high intensity X-ray which revealed that it wasn’t the capitalists after all. The virus was actually a fascist meme which causes all the little bastards to hook tails and form one super strong sperm head.

The Chinese have plagiarized Bills worm and inoculated all the women as a solution to their population problem. While the United States government has mandated antitrust to be introduced into the water supply to keep the the good fight going. An interesting by product is that the communists, via the help of microscopic fascists, standard of living is rising with the reduced population. Unfortunately for the people of the free world, our sperms are going down the drain.