Metaphysic Storm

Yesterday my computer was unable to finish an episode of lost. I kept getting an ear piercing screech just after one of the characters said, “Should you kill me?” It echo’s in my mind.

The horse has been repeating in my life for years now, far more than any city boy should have experienced. Probably due to my last post, I had a dream about them. I was back at my Catholic grade school poking a stick into an air conditioner. Outside the window I saw people riding through the play ground. Then I saw my aunt Jane riding bare back. I asked myself with astonishment, “Is she riding bare back?”, not convinced of what I was seeing.

I just took a brake from painting to eat lunch and watched an episode of lost. Kate was in the jungle and saw a horse but had a difficult time believing what she saw. Later she asked Sayid if he believed in ghosts and wondered allowed if she was crazy for seeing an improbable animal in the jungle.

Back at the “mind experiment / doomsday button compound” Locke and Mr. Eko discussed the odds of having a plane break apart in mid air and two sections landing safely on separate sides of the island. Then both groups finding compounds, one with a film projector, an edited doomsday orientation film and a computer that needs the cursed numbers entered every 108 minutes. And the other group finding a bible with the middle cut out and the missing part of the film stashed away. Mr. Eko said, “Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.”

They spliced the film together but the extra footage didn’t have any new information.

After explaining to my friend Sparkbaby, that I’m either crazy or a human agency is interacting with me covertly, she stated that the reason I think that it can’t be the supernatural is because of my western-logic biases. She sent me an excerpt from “Monocultures of the Mind” By Vandana Shiva, which posits that the scientific label is used to suppress and exterminate alternative knowledges.

Here is the excerpt:

IN ARGENTINA, when the dominant political system faces dissent, it responds by making the dissidents disappear. The ‘desparacidos’ or the disappeared dissidents share the fate of local knowledge systems throughout the world, which have been conquered through the politics of disappearance, not the politics of debate and dialogue.

The disappearance of local knowledge through its interaction with the dominant western knowledge takes place at many levels, through many steps. First, local knowledge is made to disappear by simply not seeing it, by negating its very existence. This is very easy in the distant gaze of the globalising dominant system. The western systems of knowledge have generally been viewed as universal. However, the dominant system is also a local system, with its social basis in a particular culture, class and gender. It is not universal in an epistemological sense. It is merely the globalised version of a very local and parochial tradition. Emerging from a dominating and colonizing culture, modern knowledge systems are themselves colonizing.

The knowledge and power nexus is inherent in the dominant system because, as a conceptual framework, it is associated with a set of values based on power which emerged with the rise of commercial capitalism. It generates inequalities and domination by the way such knowledge is generated and structured, the way it is legitimized and alternatives are delegitimized, and by the way in which such knowledge transforms nature and society. Power is also built into the perspective which views the dominant system not as a globalised local tradition, but as a universal tradition, inherently superior to local systems. However, the dominant system is also the product of a particular culture.

As Harding observes:
We can now discern the effects of these cultural markings in the discrepancies between the methods of knowing and the interpretations of the world provided by the creators of modern western culture and those characteristics of the rest of us. Western culture’s favorite beliefs mirror in sometimes clear and sometimes distorting ways not the world as it is or as we might want it to be, but the social projects of their historically identifiable creators. The universal/local dichotomy is misplaced when applied to the western and indigenous traditions of knowledge, because the western is a local tradition which has been spread world wide through intellectual colonization. Continue Reading »

To protect the guilty, I will not be using proper names in my discussion of them, the others that have been communicating with me. I’m well aware that what I have experienced in the past two years is identical to the symptoms of schizophrenia: I hear messages in the radio, I believe the order my movies are delivered are systematically arranged to relate to my current state, messiah complex, messages directed to me in tee shirts and license plates, musical albums written about my life, television episodes written around me, etc. It’s such an egotistical thought that it even disgusts me a little. I’ve even speculated that the reason behind this is to learn how to push people into schizophrenic states. The Matrix has me and I don’t know what they want.

I know that I’ve had many false positives in my search for anomalies. Many times it’s hard to make a determination. But I regularly experience events that are way outside the bounds of the bell curve. Today on the radio I heard that this was the anniversary of civil rights leader Martin Luther King’s last speech. I know that King didn’t see god on this day for me but… My mind associated his speech with the inevitable danger I feel I’ve put myself in, in publishing about the people who have violated my civil rights: mental torture and violating my privacy.

[Dr. King’s mountain top speach]

Later I listened to the DJ as he repeatedly said that they were washing there hands of this traffic. Over and over, he’s washing his hands. I’ve been a dirty boy. I actually felt guilty for revealing what’s been happening to me. I got a wicked case of Stockholm. Don’t get me wrong, they haven’t done anything bad to me (that I know of) except driving me to the point of insanity and removing any feeling of privacy. When they made their first hello and the three intense months that followed, I realized they had been watching me for quite a long time, acquiring a massive amount of data on me to use in their manipulation. But there is a possibility that I’m wrong about the time they’ve had their eyes on me. I’m an open book with people and it wouldn’t take that long to build intelligence about my past to use against me. What’s bothered me the most is that if they do wash their hands of me how would I know that my privacy is actually back?

Before they said hello, I started to notice exceptionally strange things happening in my life when I bought my Quest minivan, traveled across the Republic painting and wrote my philosophy, 801. I felt like my Antisupernaturalism was being tested with weirdness. My family even said that god’s guiding me because I moved from New Orleans a month before the storm. If god does exist, he like Ray bans. But that’s another story.

An hour ago I finished watching the first episode of the second season of lost, “Man of science, Man of faith.” You know, that’s the show about a bunch of people that end up on an island and all the people have freakish events that put them there. Jack and the crew blew the hatch that Lock found in the middle of the ghost infested jungle. The hatch only opened from the inside and when it came off had the word “quarantine” on the inside. Hurley warned against opening it because a set of cursed numbers were engraved on the outside. I believe the numbers are 4 8 15 16 36 and 42. 42, of course, is the answer the improbability computer spit out to the question, “what is the purpose of life?” in “A Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.” I took a screen shot of the wall at the bottom of the hatch

As you can see, there is the number 42, a bunch of Jebus fishies, a house (the symbol of the self), an arrow pointing up, the word “SICK” and the number 108 in the middle of a sun. I tattooed the symbol of the sun (also a symbol for freemasonry) on my ankle when I was 15.

Jack: It was a Tour de Stade.
Sarah: What?
Jack: When you run all the steps in every section of a stadium up and down.
Sarah: Why would you do that?
Jack: I’m intense.
Sarah: Did you finish?
Jack: No, I hurt my ankle.
Sarah: That sucks for you.

Two years ago I woke up in my pad and found four of my paintings turned sideways on the wall. I verified the fact with a neighbor and indeed something had changed the orientation of my artwork. She said, “Be careful”. Since that time I have been haunted with events that don’t break the laws of physics but definitely violate the laws of probability. After I gained the knowledge that there was indeed an agent manipulating me, my mind went into a state of overactive agent detection. My pattern recognition mental processes went into a state of hypersensitivity thrusting myself into two years of paranoia and mental torture. I don’t know what is doing this to me. I have speculated a million scenarios and have begged for mercy, the truth, why! The two possibilities that I have disregarded are the supernatural and the possibility that I actually am crazy. I feel confident that I would be able to tell if I was hallucinating and have never had anyone confront me as if I were hallucinating. If it is a supernatural agency it is behaving in a manner so as to be indistinguishable from a highly networked human made construct. After two years, I have finally began speaking to friends and family about it. They, as you are sure to do the same, think I am highly arrogant for thinking that I’m special enough for an agency to take an interest in. Or, of course, that I’m being cursed by a demon of hell fire or guided by an angle of heavens delight… I’m just an average guy making my way through an intense point in our history. I don’t think I’m anything but Robert the artist and thinker.

I’ve always felt special but the addition of them has made me feel like a freak . I’ve begged to know why this is happening to me. I feel as though my mind has been raped by these thoughts, dominating without my consent. It’s as though I need water, but worse, because needing water one knows the subject of the problem. I know n0thing. Ladies and Gentleman, this is the paper trail. I’ve been suffering from the Stockholm syndrome, sympathizing with my captures, emulating them. Well, I’m not going to hide anymore. I’ve run out of ideas, out of experiments. Now, maybe you’ll emulate me. Show yourself.