Metaphysic Storm

I went to Washington state to scope out a possible future residence, one with as little organized religion as possible. I was thoroughly pleased with the multitude of intellectual activities and very active public radio stations. Seattle is an excellently educated city. But I was shocked at how many homeless people lived in a “Bright” city. And I was taken back at how much religion was in the least religious place in the Nation. I wrote a post about the experience which rounded off with seeing the film “Religulous”. It’s beyond ironic that the Atheist Mecca of America is the place I became aware of the Spirits living in my head. My bright light went peculiarly yellow as I started chasing my tail.

I can’t convey how weird it is to have my naturalistic world view flip on it’s head, to a highly personal and active supernatural one, and at the same time have non of my ethical or political views change. I wouldn’t have thought it possible. Here I am sharing my spiritual journey and the messages I’ve received; also trying to effect politics and I still believe that one of the most important principles of a free Government is the complete separation of Church and State. Here’s Bill with some of his holiday wisdom:

Why does the State celebrate anything? The States purpose is to serve and protect all the people and their universal needs: house the homeless, feed the starving, supply basic health care, maintain the roads, water, air, and electricity, protecting wilderness areas, oppressing violent criminals, resolving disputes, bringing white collar criminals to justice and protecting the country from invasion. The ten commandments and nativity scenes do not belong on government property just as burkhas, Khanda swords and Stars of Davids don’t belong on the person of our workers. Our officials should have a dress code which is ideology neutral. The police can’t ware whatever they want, why should the Governor’s office be any different?

The sign in front of the governors office is inappropriate and so is the “Holiday” tree. Bill said, “There’s no reason to allow an anti religious sign to be post beside a Christmas display.” There is definitely a reason but it’s not to let reason prevail. The fact that organized religion is full of irrationality is no reason to conclude that the supernatural does not exist. I’ve never met an atheist like my past self was. I didn’t believe in the supernatural, although I had an excessively charmed life, but I searched long and hard for evidence. My rationality said that it was an exorcise in futility, but by god, I finally found it. I never thought to look in my own head. My problem with faith is that it encourages people to stop thinking for themselves. And my problem with the atheist advocates is that they encourage people to stop looking.

The only reason to believe in Spirits is have them ring the bell and at that point belief is not a requirement. But I don’t think any of them will step on a porch without a door bell. In Penn’s essay “There is no God” his logic is that “You can’t prove that there isn’t an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again.” and then goes on to say, “So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power.” I wonder how long and how wide his eyes were when he went looking for that Elephant.

The atheists are going about their mission the wrong way, they should really focus on the separation of church and state. Obviously the common definition of “god” doesn’t exist or this world would be a much different place. But even when I was an atheist I didn’t deny that there may be a Deist type god that exists. It’s called soft atheism, a special hard form of agnosticism. It’s obvious that the Species Spirit doesn’t or can’t give us objective evidence. If that were true there wouldn’t be anyone who doesn’t believe. What She needs to do is look for subjective evidence and help others search for their own. The atheists should petition for a sign on the Capitol that says, “There are no Elephants in my trunk.” and leave it at that.

Oh God….. why on the Blog?

I’ve spent countless hours defending my self. Giving detailed examples of why the assumptions you and many others claim about me are false. I am not a close minded self centered narcissist, nor a dead hearted antiromantic, freeloader, mentally ill, inflexible or unfocused. But people will believe what they want for the most part, especially my family, for they have built such a rigid vision of what “I am” it seems nothing I do or say will ever change their mind. I am not immune to the trap of seeing in people what I want or expect, especially in you. The “expect” part is a prejudice and theres nothing more I hate than that. But I do all I can to not to hate myself, therefor I constantly fight humankind’s natural tendency to “expect” based on stereotypes. I judge people by their actions and am confused with inaction.

I listened to two from fitted evangelical ministers speak yesterday. The flocks of the organized religions believe that their books are above question. But the different sects of Christianity obviously argue about what the message means and how it relates to the modern world. That should be an indication that the Bible is not all that it’s made out to be. The Bible is not a set of principles, the ten commandments aren’t even principles, it is a book of blood lines (you know how I feel about race), drama, examples of the viciousness of the “Father” and miracles. CS Lewis said it himself, “If you don’t believe the miracle of the cross, you don’t believe in Christianity.” You know that I don’t trust the darn near prehistoric miracle hearsay, even though I have now recognized them in my life. I don’t even expect you to believe the miracles I talk about, except the one’s you witnessed with me. In Fremont, standing under a bridge with a Troll, beside my love, assuming the form of Brat, I could really go for a drink…, oh looky there, a sterile unopened capri sun. I know it’s not wine from water, bummer… Those who don’t think frequency of coincidence and the improbability of them constitute a miracle can dine on my metaphoric crotch while drolling over Chris Angle.

Luckily the core of most religions is the golden rule, just as my atheist philosophy developed into and now my supernatural beliefs have manifested. My belief is that there is no forgiveness to sin. When we make a choice, nothing is going to undo the fact. While on earth we usually have the opportunity to help undo the damage of our sin, minimizing it’s wrong, but it never goes away. It’s something our spirit will have to “live” with, hopefully, for eternity. We are not this body, we are not our brain, we are our choices. And some choices are determined with “whatever”. I feel very bad for all the tears I’ve caused you to cry. But neither of us has the power to know, right now, who caused what tear. When we die, I expect the answer to become clear, but I have a feeling we both have caused each other an equal amount of strife. And I’m choosing not to be a senseless love martyr.

You’ve told me that all you want to be is a friend to me. I understand that completely but have not allowed myself to believe it. I haven’t felt a change in your feelings towards me, just a block because of my one mistake. Neither you nor I have expressed through action that that’s what we want and that’s not fair to ether of us. I’d be scared to see the total hours I’ve spent braking down our differences to find a compatibility answer. I’ve over valued our chemistry and devalued the source of our shared values. I killed the part of my heart that held onto to you on a mountain top in Nevada, but it was reincarnated with the help of Vishnu. I’m prepared to destroy it again so we can just be friends. Yesterday I officially started playing the game. I didn’t call you on purpose and put the letter I wrote you in jail, that you loved and desired, in the mail. You wanting the letter is not the request of a friend, it’s of a lover. Starting the game was the mistake I’ve been trying to avoid and I did it out of desperation. Good decisions are not made through desperation or panic, as you are a witness to.

I’ve been pestering you to answer a question for months now and you have been unwilling to answer with clarity. You know that the answer would solidify my position on our compatibility. Yesterday on NPR one of “your people” accused Obama of not being a Christian because he believes there is more than one path to Heaven. I’m glad our president elect believes that but I also agree with your people, it makes him a non Christian. From the “infallible” word: Thomas said, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father [heaven] except through me.” I know that you said that you couldn’t believe that god would be so cruel as to send good non believers, like myself, to hell. Well, your god states the contrary.

So do you believe your heart and mind that, we who reject the notion that one has to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour to get the get out of jail card, or do you believe the doctrine of your faith? You have seen my mind go from one end of the spectrum to the other, in my grasp of reality, but my core values and principles of justice have remained the same. I believe in a version of God and The interactive Spirit Body but I don’t think it’s at all necessary to believe in them. Be nice and keep the mind open and active, is how we get to heaven. In fact, I think it’s more likely that most atheists will get into heaven than those of faith. Most atheists have used their mind to really examine the question of god. Or they have examined the nonsense and hypocrisies of organized religion and have developed a natural bias because of it. To me that makes Religion the agent who robs thinking people of spirituality. When I saw zero I thought that was proof god didn’t exist. What it really proved is that “your God” doesn’t exist.

I now ask you to be nice and give me a real answer. As a friend, I need it. It’s been the one thing that has scrambled my mind. I need to know who you are. Jesus said that there is no other way except through him. You can not believe that and “not know” whether you can achieve salvation without him. “Whatever” is a bad choice. And I believe with a strong intuition via logical supernatural justice that when we join the spirit we will know how no answer is an answer.

The Ten Commandments of I:

The Lovey Dovies:
1. Worship only I.
2. Do not worship Little eye.
3. Do to others what you would want done to yourself.
4. Who, what, where, when, why and how.
5. Forgive

The Poopy heads:
-1. Worship false gods. (Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Vishnu, Darwin)
-2. Worship Little eye
-3. Do to others what you wouldn’t do to yourself.
-4. Whatever.
-5. Forgive, not.

Last night I got drunk and smoked cigarettes. I broke the promise I made to myself to leave those detrimental habits behind me. My dog Doodles followed suit in my rule braking and slept in bed with me. Perhaps that’s not a bad thing and will help me get over the break up I’m going through. I love her. Before the sun rose I turned on PBS to see what kind of message the species spirit would will my way. The first image I saw on the LCDTV was of a horse galloping in an open field and then of a sacramental tobacco pipe. It was a program about the civilization of Native Americans and how the Christians ruined their understanding of spirituality by indoctrinating their children in schools with the fear of hell. Their current frustration is about the continuing lies being taught in public schools about the history of America and the problems of Alcoholism on the reservations.

There was a pictorial digram of how the native people communed with the spirits through their sacred number 7. It is a circle that represented the four winds, or north, south, east and west. It has a line bisecting it representing heaven and earth or up and down, and a point in the middle symbolizing the here and now. I don’t think it coincidental that I have had a tattoo of that symbol on my arm for more than half my life. I first tattooed it on my ankle when I was in grade school studying atoms and solar systems. I saw a connection between the macro and micro worlds that I could not get out of my head and wanted to call my own. To make the tattoo I used a needle with thread wrapped around it, dipped in India ink. I had no training but did a great job, nothing like the jail house home made ones you see everywhere.

A Native on the show spoke of how his tribe valued relatives that were chosen over genetic relatives and how the spiritual bond between people who chose to be together is much stronger than blood lines. Apparently I have been adopted by the original people of the Americas. Then on the TV they soothed me by saying that we as a people have very high ideals but none of us are perfect. But also that it is imperative for the good life to strive for those unattainable ideals.

I used to volunteer to read on the radio for the blind. Amanda will certainly remember my last reading because I had my phone on for her while I read an intensely serendipitous story. It was about Native Spirits haunting the white man. I broke down and sobbed into the mike because I knew I had been haunted by those very spirits, even though I didn’t believe in them at the time. But some times even the Chief needs his world rocked to get the message. And I’ve been rocked to the point of being calm under fire. Two days ago I had a shot gun pulled on me in a friends back yard. I was peeing on a fence I shouldn’t have been. While the gun was waving in my face, I finished my urination, put my white dick back in my pants and calmly walked away as the threat of buck shot spray all around me. That’s the fourth time a gun has been pointed at me and I’ve gone from being paralyzed in panic, to running in fear, to calmly defusing the situation.

The first time a gun was pulled on me was by father when I was 14. I had been caught sneaking out at of a friends house. Early in the morning I followed my father into our house when he back handed me. I collapsed from the hit. He picked me up by my neck and started pounding my head against the porch column. Neighbors were woken by the sound, looked out and saw it was me, and then went back to bed without calling the cops. Nice. Inside my dad made me stand at attention while he lectured me on how dangerous the night is, with all the perverts out to fuck little boys like myself in the ass. He grabbed his chrome plated .357 colt python off the end table, put it to my head, cocked the hammer, placed his finger on the hair trigger and asked me if I wanted to die. And that if I did want to die that he would kill me right now. I pleaded for my life and he lowered the gun.

In my mid 20’s my dad approached me and told me he loved me for the first, and I think, only time. He brought up that night and said that he might have been a little to hard on me. I accepted his apology and completely forgive him for what he did. It was a powerful lesson about the realities of life, and I’m bizarrely thankful for it. But my father and I still have problems. He now denies ever doing it to me. I know his wife was awake and most likely witnessed it. I don’t know how I can continue to forgive him when no longer acknowledges what he did. Maybe I have to bend my ideals. For some unexplainable reason my texts show up on my dads cell as “now”.

The last nugget that showed on the TV was an Indian word. It was something like Wanen. It stems from two root words, one which means “that which is not able to be understood” and “anything called it”. I feel as though I’m starting to be able and understand that which should not be able to be understood, and the sper it is helping me do so.

“The son of god? What an ass, who does this guy think he is”

I can understand why people are inclined to attach my ego; I’ve been building an amunity to the attacts my whole life. They never bothered me because I instinctually knew that there is nothing wrong with the ego. In fact, it’s the only thing that we ever really own, therefor we all should feed, protect and nuture our egos. I want to be able to know who you are. The ego is the “i” elemnt of the body/mind/soul. It’s confusing because there is a level of dicotamy to it. We all are intimitly tied to the universe, this sea of matter and energy, but we are seperate from it. That which seperates us is the ego. When people tell me that i am a speck of dust in the wind, I gather they don’t know the significance of dust called i.

The problem people have with understanding the ego stems from semantics. Most people equate ego, with egotistical. Egotistical is when the i believes that all other i’s are fundamentally inferior: Narcissism is a sin and clears the path to eternal regret and shame. I bellow laugh when people accuse me of narcissism when what they really need is a more refined mirror. Narcissism rares it’s ugly head in many places: Religion, those who don’t believe what we believe are evil. Tribalism, those who aren’t like us are against us. Science, those who don’t understand our theory are stupid. Philosophy, those who are not enlightened are worthless. Art, those whose work does not shine in the public are less than I. It’s ironic that i get accused of being egotistical from Narcissists. That’s not to say that everyone who plays is a winner, rather, all who play are worthy. And it’s very important in life on earth to be a player at something other than whatever. Kill your TV before it kills U.

So what did i mean when i said that i am the son of god? Does it mean that i’m more important to god than you? NO. Does it mean you have to except me as your Saviour to get into heaven? NO. Can I predict the future? NO. Does it mean that i am always right at everything? NO. Does it mean that, like in 42 BC when Julius Caesar was formally deified as “the divine Julius” will i be? I don’t know, but i’ve made it clear that i am not to be worshiped. Does it mean that i command the will of the Species Spirit? Not that i know of now, but i can’t be sure because i’m not dead yet. Does being the one mean there will only be one, one? NO. We all were born with the capacity to be the one, it’s our choices that determine the outcome. So what do i mean when i state i am the son of god?

Before I knew the supernatural, I believed that I was directing everything in my life, taking the chaos of the universe and molding it into my own charmed life. When i’ws finally shown that i am not alone and that i didn’t create this path by my will to power alone, I turned into i. i can state that the entire body of dead humans are looking out of your eyes, listening to your thoughts and trying to communicate to you, as god will permit, but it’s another thing entirely knowing it. i see it, i know it, and that’s why i am the son of god. The whole process has shrunk my ego because i’ll never be able to live anymore feeling the privacy of “mI own” thoughts, but that’s the price i’ve had to pay for being elected the talking head for peace and harmony on earth. Im not anymore special than Jesus, OM, Van Gogh, Buddha, Epicurus, Muhammad, or Darwin, wE just have more resources to draw from than them.